Laying Flat

In keeping with my somewhat pathetic attempts to become familiar with various social media I have recently been introduced to the concept of the flat lay.  A flat lay, apparently, is where one lays some objects flat, photographs them and then uploads them for the edification of the masses should the masses be remotely interested.  Some people use it as a method of cheekily advertising products they really hope the manufacturers will send them free samples of in return for the free advertising.  Apparently this works although if I were a manufacturer I would probably risk the fact that such people are likely to indulge in fits of promotional activity anyway and I wouldn't send them a damn thing.  I don't know whether I'm too cynical or not enough.

Still, I have somewhat belatedly jumped on this particular bandwagon in the hopes of garnering a few more blog hits.  I would say I'm a social media whore but whores get paid so I'm going have to settle for being a social media slut.  In an attempt to provide an excuse no matter how transparent for taking and uploading the photo at all let us use it as a psychological tool.  I wonder how many people realise exactly how much they are saying about themselves when they upload these photos.  In this blog entry I'll do the hard work for you.

Consider the photo above.  What does it say about me?  Firstly there is the fact that I took it at all.  Then there is the fact that I used it as the basis for a blog entry.  So right away you can tell that I'm easily suggestible ("oh everybody's doing flat lays nowadays) and secondly that I'm terribly eager to have people read my blog although I'm not actually prepared to select topics that might actually interest many people.  This shows that I have a pathetic need for validation from complete strangers while being too lazy to actually go and suck up to them properly by writing stuff they might take an interest in.

Moving on.  The background of the photo is obviously a table.  This indicates that it is likely that I possess a table and by extrapolation somewhere to keep such table.  It also indicates I possess a camera or at least an iphone.  Thus I am not totally bereft of material possessions.  Of course its always possible I borrowed all of the above and I actually write this blog in the public library in between sleeping in a garbage skip but the likelihood is that I have a table containing domicle or at least a storage unit.

Moving from the strategic to the tactical let us examine each of the objects in the photo.  The largest is the book on Byzantium.  This tells you I have an interest in the subject, and possibly history in general.  The somewhat battered condition of the book indicates many readings and can safely be assumed to be a favourite.  Obviously either the author or the subject material appeals. 

The second and smaller book is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.  What this tells you is that I'm the sort of pretentious wanker who would include a book of philosophical musings by an ancient Roman emperor in his flat lay photo.  I am no doubt hoping to give the impression of a being a refined and intellectual person but I'm probably looking more like a desperate try hard.

Above the second book is a packet of cigarettes which doesn't tell you too much about me but does give you a fair indication of what is likely to be written on my death certificate.  To the right of the books are dice but not just any dice.  They are brightly coloured dice such as might be used for either fantasy games or board games (if you've worked out that I don't have a girlfriend by this stage, congratulations, you're keeping up).  Above the cigarettes is a pen.  This implies that I use such an item and since pretty much everything else appears to be recreational rather than professional it can be safely assumed that I use it recreationally.

Finally there is a little plastic cat.  For those who don't know it is actually Mad Cat from the Inspector Gadget cartoons.  This probably tells you all you need to know about both my sense of humour and my level of maturity.

So a brief analysis of the above photo indicates that I'm a lazy, bookish, slightly pretentious individual without much regard for his health and a penchant for indoor hobbies that don't involve physical activity.  Oh yes and I have a rather childish sense of humour.  Those who know me need not comment on exactly how accurate this assessment is.  Everybody else take a close look at your own flat lays and try and figure out what you're telling the world.