Travelling Hopefully

So my next few blog entries (how many depends on the frequency with which I can scrounge the use of someone else's computer) will detail my somewhat hapless attempts at tourism as I wander vaguely around countries other than my own.  Overseas travel is supposed to broaden the mind although I suspect it just as frequently reinforces prejudices.  My own travels will encompass Britain where I have friends, Luxembourg (for no good reason), Berlin, Prague and Vienna.  Hopefully I shall write something useful and interesting about each place although frankly I wouldn't hold my breath.

Air Travel or How to Cram the Frustration and Exhaustion of a Six Month Journey into 36 Hours

And so it begins.  Fortified by several cups of coffee from Velvet Garage I wandered along to Mascot in the hopes of flagging down a plane going in my direction.  Despite an absence of several years Sydney airport was pretty much as I remember it.  That is, it was Purgatory but it was the sort of Purgatory that makes one think a well managed Hell might be an improvement.

Airports are generally a bit of a twilight zone, they are one of the few places thousands of people go to in the hopes of leaving as quickly as possible, but Sydney airport manages to be utterly bland and simultaneously creepy.  One's first thought on seeing Sydney's gateway to the world is "How dull" followed rapidly by "I'll bet everyone here is a serial killer".

There was a time when you could turn up ten minutes before your plane took off and dash onto the flight.  Now one has to turn up about a week before the plane leaves and by the time the airline staff start permitting boarding they are mobbed by a crazed, red eyed gang one step away from cannibalism.

With the clawing, biting and trampling of the sick and the lame behind us those who survived took our places after first storing in the overhead lockers all the crap the airline staff had thoughtlessly left on the seats.  Stewardesses strolled back and forth handing out warm moistened hand towels either as a touching welcoming gesture or a gentle hint to keep our filthy paws off their nice clean aeroplane.

Preparations completed our aircraft lurched skyward with a thunderous roar and enough charred hydrocarbons to change the climate by a season or two.  I was on my way to England although rather to my surprise the first stop would be Bangkok.

Part 2

I'm writing this entry because I'm too sleep deprived to focus on the television.  Having ground my way through about a dozen episodes of the Big Bang Theory I am now at the point where it took me five minutes to figure out how to use my pen.  This is despite paying 22 dirhams for a coffee at Dubai airport.  I no longer even pretend to know what time it is or what day it is or what my name is.  I left my boarding pass on the plane and had to beg for another one before they let me back on again.  Otherwise I would have spent my entire holiday in Bangkok airport. 

By the time I got back on the plane in Dubai I was semi delirious and only keeping myself going by fantasising about the shower I was going to have once I arrived in whatever country was my destination.  I passed the time watching Star Trek: The Latest Milking For Money where the presence of Benedict Cumberbatch made up for the presence of everybody else.  By the time I had finished watching that and snapped out of the subsequent fugue state we were approaching Britain.

Two trains and a brief walk later I was banging on the door of my charming and gracious hosts where I walked in, grunted and dived for a shower.  Still the flight wasn't too bad really, yes it was wearying, ghastly and annoying but it was well within acceptable parameters for that sort of thing.  All in all I'm quite impressed with Emirates, it might become my new favourite airline if they don't lose my luggage or drop me into the sea on my way home