Hip Hip Beret

When did berets go out of fashion?  Come to think of it were berets ever in fashion?  They've always struck me as a bit of a niche garment worn by film directors, Frenchmen conforming to cultural stereotypes and people who think they look good in berets.  I wonder if I would look good in a beret?  Perhaps it would make me instantly cool, stylish and irresistible to the opposite sex.  Or, far more likely, I would just look like a prat in a beret.  I think I just answered my own question really.

A beret, I think, is one of those things you really have to be able to wear.  It's no use just sticking a beret on your head and hoping for the best.  The wearer has to be unshakeably convinced that they look good in a beret, convinced to the point where it isn't a conscious decision any more.  I beret therefore I am.  Without that the wearer really is just a prat in a beret.

Revolutionaries and special forces soldiers tend to wear berets as well.  Revolutionaries wear berets, I think, because they like to think they're channelling Che Guevara when they protest about the fact that their job opportunities are slightly less than they were a couple of years ago.  Che in turn wore a beret because he liked to think that he was channelling the oppressed proletariat despite the fact that he was a fairly typical member of the wealthy middle class albeit perhaps a bit brighter than most.  The only reason for special forces members to wear berets is because they look really cool rolled up and tucked through an epaulette.  Special forces members can get away with wearing berets because few people are prepared to make fun of someone who can kill them with their nostril hairs.

Can I think of anything else to say about berets?  It should be a rich topic replete with a social and cultural history of berets in particular and headwear in general.  I should have delved deep into the history of beret wearing and at least made a passing acknowledgement of some of the great beret wearers of history but I decided I really couldn't be bothered.

I've also decided that I can't wear a beret.  I'm neither a soldier nor a revolutionary and I don't channel anything except anxiety.  Which is a pity because I would look really cool in a beret if it weren't for the fact that I'm sure I would look like a total prat.