Strangers, Dogs, Relatives In That Order

I was sitting outside the cafe the other day, basking in the morning sun when a small dog trotted by.  Naturally I said hello, passed the time of day and otherwise exercised my somewhat rusty social skills.  It didn't occur to me until afterwards that I hadn't so much as exchanged a glance with the two humans accompanying the dog.  I've often wondered why "companion animals" are so popular with the elderly, now I suspect its because it allows them to have conversations where they won't be interrupted and all they have to provide in return is food.

I do sometimes wonder how the conversation goes when somebody is presented with a companion animal for the first time.
"Hello irritating old person.  I think we both agree that no human will want to talk to you but here's a dog with a pretty high tolerance level."
The other question, of course, is how is the job sold to the dog.  I suspect its something like this.
"Look, I know its a pain but lets face it he's only going to last a few years and then we'll find you a family with a couple of kids and a big backyard, promise."

A home with a companion animal must be dreadful; the howling, the shedding, the smell, the urinating on the furniture; honestly I don't understand how the animals can take it.  And that's before you get onto the topic of daytime television.  Which brings me to my brilliant suggestion; let's replace companion animals with companion people.

I don't mean nurses or carers or any of the other people who have rather foolishly decided to make a career out of putting up with others I mean dedicated companion people.  We could import them from dreadfully poor parts of the world and provide them to the elderly as companions.  I realise there is already an industry which caters to this need but lets face it not everybody fleeing poverty in Moldova wants to marry their sponsor.  My solution is much more civilised.  They come on a working visa, hang around somebody near to death for a few years and go home with a nice nest egg at the end of it.  Consider it au pair for the elderly.

Some people might be horrified at the thought of outsourcing caring for the elderly (or, more accurately, pretending to care for the elderly) to complete strangers from another country but is that any worse than getting dogs to do it?  There is a benefit for old people as well.  No matter how much they annoy you it is very difficult to get your relatives deported.