My Blood is Worth Bottling, And Then Selling.

"The Blood is Life". How many cheesy vampire movies have managed to squeeze that line into what, for want of a better word, must be considered their dialogue? Ok, there are reasons. It neatly encapsulates the entire vampire "theme" and gives the lead character something to say in between chewing bits out of peoples throats. It must be admitted that its also accurate, you'd be pretty stuffed without blood even if you weren't a vampire. However water is just as important but you don't see many vampires cackling "The water is life" before launching an attack on the kitchen sink. Possibly this is because its just too painful trying to sink your fangs into the plumbing.

It all comes down to water, even blood is mostly water admittedly with a few significant additives. In fact you could probably bottle blood and sell it as water with extra iron (good for building the immune system). A nicely shaped bottle and some pseudo scientific babble about how this was one of the traditional remedies of the ancient Babylonians previously lost to medical science and is the principal reason why they were so healthy until they died at the age of forty two always assuming they evaded that pesky infant mortality which was hanging around at the time. Of course there would have to be a warning label as well "shake vigorously to avoid coagulation" or some such but I'm sure some clever marketing could iron out the bumps.

Alternatively they could let it coagulate and market it as a spread. How cool would that be, water you can spread on your toast. I think a lot of people would be encouraged to eat breakfast if that was on the menu. A diet of bread and water would suddenly become a lot more appealing to some (and of course infinitely horrifying to others). I'm not saying there wouldn't be drawbacks. Health issues would loom large on the horizon (or your toast). It would be very easy for coagulated blood to become a breeding ground for disease but there is a simple solution to such problems; a good legal team.

How awesome are lawyers? They are the ultimate multi taskers. Are you a lousy builder? A dodgy mechanic? An alcoholic surgeon? Sure you could spend time and money retraining, cleaning yourself up and generally becoming a credit to your profession, or you could hire a good lawyer. This is likely to be the best option in fact. After all if some vampire is banging down your door because the water on toast you sold him has given him fang rot then a course in the hygienic packaging of blood products is probably not your most immediate requirement. It all really depends on whether you prefer to be surrounded by angry vampires or eager lawyers. At least you have options.