And You Thought This Blog Was Silly

Every so often I check the stats on this blog to see if anybody actually bothers to look at it. When I say "every so often" I mean every single day. I would like to assure my readership (hi Mum) that I do this out of a deep interest in statistical analysis and not at all because I'm a pathetic narcissist with too much time on his hands.

One of the pieces of information provided to me on the stats (its way to cool to use the word "statistics" in full) page is the referral source for hits on my blog. This means I get to see the web page that the hapless reader blundered from in order to get (certainly inadvertently) onto my blog. For some reason I cannot begin to explain one of the most common sources in recent times has been a blog about tooth whitening. Why this should be is utterly beyond me as is the reason for the existence of a blog about tooth whitening in the first place. However I am feeling guilty about the amount of time wasted by tooth whitening aficionados perusing my blog for matters dental. Herewith, therefore, is an entire blog entry dedicated to teeth and the whitening thereof.

At some undisclosed point in human history it was decided that white teeth were appealing. As in many other areas the Romans took the lead. They kept their teeth nice and white by scraping all the gunk off them with emery boards. Unfortunately some of that gunk was the enamel so it was a temporary fix at best. There is no record of whether they smeared toothpaste on their fingernails to make them look better. In less civilised parts of the world (we know they were less civilised because they didn't conquer as much) people chewed sticks as part of a sensible dental care package or simply used their teeth until they fell out and then did without.

Despite these early initiatives for many centuries dental hygiene consisted not so much of whitening teeth as of simply yanking out those ones that were oozing pus. Then at some point it was decided that white was the ideal colour for teeth and a whole new industry was born. I rather suspect that the industry was born first and then conducted a vigorous marketing campaign extolling the virtues of white teeth. Overnight dentists went from tooth yanking psychos to tooth yanking psychos who would also make your remaining teeth look pretty.

Nowadays there are rinses, toothpastes and of course dentists who collectively conspire to give us teeth that can be seen from space. It is a little known fact that sunglasses were not invented to protect our eyes from the sun but rather to prevent flash blindness when somebody smiled at us. It has even been claimed that wild animals about to spring have been dazzled into immobility when the intended victim revealed his teeth (who claims this? I do. Where? Here).

As you can see white teeth are a positive benefit to society promoting, as they do, employment in the dental, and sunglasses industries. From animal taming to navigation beacons for interstellar travellers the benefits of gleaming white teeth cannot be denied. Small wonder that there is a blog about them, I bet there is a facebook page as well. Our shiny, white teeth are evidence of a civilisation on its way up. Which makes it all the more embarrassing that my own teeth are a sickly shade of yellow and tend to crumble when touched. I would like to blame smoking but actually the nicotine stains are one of the most attractive features my teeth have to offer. Perhaps its time I took a closer look at that tooth whitening blog.