Wednesday, October 6, 2010

News From South America

They do things a little differently in South America. I'm not saying badly, just differently. My local media site has a delightful little clip from a football match in Bolivia. The president's team was playing a team sponsored by the mayor of La Paz. It would appear that el presidente wasn't impressed with one of the opposing players which is why there is now footage of the country's president kneeing a footballer in the groin. He didn't even get a yellow card. Mind you the opposing footballer wasn't blameless, sure he doubled over in pain when the knee went in but if he had been Italian he would have collapsed screaming to the ground and demanding a blood transfusion if the president had driven by in a car. That's how you get the referees attention these days.

Meanwhile a little further south in Ecuador they are currently experiencing a strike by the Ecuadorean police. Much to my surprise this has led to an increase in crime rather than a reduction. Banks have apparently closed because they are being robbed all over the place and a group of police briefly kidnapped the president before he was rescued by the army. The military were incensed because in attempting to seize the political leader of the country for their own nefarious purposes the police were treading on ground traditionally allocated to the military. Three police colonels are reported to be under arrest. Just a tip, if your police have military ranks then there is usually something wrong.

Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has recently had what observers considered a setback and what he called a victory. Strangely both are correct. In recent elections his party maintained their majority in the government but didn't get the two thirds necessary to rubber stamp constitutional amendments such as appointing Hugo Chavez god. Sorry Hugo, you're just going to have to die and rise on the third day like anyone else.

In Chile those miners are still underground but that story has been going for ages and everybody is bored with it.

Brazil looks set to elect an illiterate clown to congress or to be more accurate; Brazil looks set to elect another illiterate clown to congress. His campaign slogan, "Things Can't Get Any Worse". This is the only part of the elections in one of the worlds largest democracies that actually made the papers in Australia.

Colombian police have seized (well found) 29 million dollars which they suspect belongs to a drug lord having ruled out their first theory that it was some grandmothers life savings. Colombia now officially has the highest paid police force in the world.

In Uruguay a former member of a rebel group has become arch bishop of Montevideo. Apparently his first act was to assure his flock that the two children his mistress has were actually fathered by somebody else. He is one of the most popular archbishops the city has ever had.

There is no news at all from Argentina, Guyana or Suriname which indicates either that those countries are going well or that nobody cares. I personally suspect the latter.

I must visit South America, there always seems to be something going on and it always has a unique twist. Any of the above stories could have happened anywhere in the world but South America is the only one where all of them could have happened and nobody would raise an eyebrow. Incidentally one of the stories above is a complete lie. Guess which one.

1 comment:

  1. haha, I love it. I'm a little disappointed that Chile only got a one line mention, but then also pleased that there is nothing on Argentina. Surely you could've mentioned that a group of indigenous ppl have been on a hunger strike for almost 2 months, but then again you also mention that when it happens in South America nobody cares.

    And the story that is a complete lie, although at first glance I thought the Uruguayan one I'd say it's the Colombian police story. 1 because the Colombian police force have been the highest paid since the days of Pablo and 2 nothing surprises me when it comes to Uruguay.

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