Scotch of the Antarctic

I seem to be scrutinising the Antarctic a fair bit lately. Perhaps its because the Antarctic is ground zero for quite a bit of the human stupidity that I like to make fun of when I'm not indulging in it myself. The latest news from points frosty? A museum in New Zealand is planning on thawing out some bottles of scotch which were left behind by Shackleton's unsuccessful attempt to reach the South Pole in 1909. When they left the Antarctic they abandoned the whisky.

Imagine taking a crate of scotch to the Antarctic with you? Since I am of a kind nature I will spare you the inevitable "Scotch of the Antarctic" jokes. You can just imagine Shackleton passing glasses around in his wretched, snowbound hut and apologising because there wasn't any ice. This is the difference between adventurers in days gone by and those we have today. Nowadays anybody going to the Antarctic for so much as a sight seeing trip would have enough survival gear to start a colony. In Shackleton's day preparations seemed to consist of "wear your heavier shirt and remember they don't have a bottle shop down there."

Shackleton was actually a member of one of Scott's Antarctic missions (not the one where everybody died) but was sent home due to illness. Refusing to take the hint he spent a good deal of the rest of his life finding excuses to go back. I find it difficult to understand the fascination that a frozen wilderness seems to have for certain people. Here is a description of the Antarctic; cold, windy, icy, penguins. The penguins (and of course the Weddell Seal) might be a reason for a quick look if your country is poorly provided with zoos but for the rest there seems to be no real point. The great explanation for these things is, of course, "because its there". Fine, when you can deliver it to "here" I might take a quick look.

Explorers have always captured the human imagination. We read the stories of these daring travellers wandering through the more desolate parts of the world and are impressed with human endurance, curiosity, courage and desire for knowledge. Or at least most of us do. I read these stories and wonder how they managed to go to the toilet when the weather was cold enough to freeze their piss before it hit the ground. A centrally heated port a loo would be part of my Antarctic equipment should I be silly enough to go there. It's not just the Antarctic either, Australia has its own fine tradition of explorers staggering through the desert dying of hunger and thirst while the local Aboriginal population who have lived there for millenia politely try to hide their smiles. It almost seems as though a place isn't worth finding unless something ghastly happened to the people who found it.

Imagine if you could catch a train to the unknown wilderness. Shackleton would just get out at Antarctic Junction walk a couple of miles and shout "hey I'm an explorer". Nobody would be very impressed. Similarly if you travelled through the untracked parts of the world and on your return commented "actually it was very easy, the weather was lovely, the natives friendly, food fell into your lap without asking for it and we managed to catch taxis most of the time so we didn't have to walk too far." I don't think anybody would be very interested even if you did discover an entirely new continent. No, you have to stumble back to civilisation wild eyed (and bearded) thin from hunger, carrying a couple of new diseases and with an arrow head or spear tip in a portion of your anatomy otherwise people just aren't interested. If you think your expedition might lack for this grisly form of glamour you can take steps to ensure that it does, like Shackleton.

The most amusing thing about Shackleton's scotch heavy Antarctic sojourn is the reason for its failure. They ran out of supplies. At some point while trekking through the icy wilderness Shackleton stopped guzzling scotch for long enough to realise that no one had packed the cheese and biscuits. There was nothing for it except to go home and be knighted by King Edward VIII who always managed to have a reasonable supply of whisky despite never getting closer to the Antarctic than the Isle of Wight.