Maybe Israel and Foxconn Should Swap Leadership

Two things seem to be occupying the news at the moment. The regrettable habit employees at a giant Chinese factory have of killing themselves and the equally regrettable habit of the Israelis in finding new ways to screw up their public image.

First to China where a company called Foxconn manufactures iThings for the delectation of the rest of the world. At the moment it would appear that this is only a sideline. The main thing the company is doing right now is mopping bits of its employees off the sidewalks. Dark mutterings have been made about working conditions, pay, stress and so on. Foxconn stick to your guns! There are millions more poverty stricken peasants in rural China who will leap to fill any positions prematurely emptied by the lemming like activities of your current workforce. I realise this sounds cruel but I own an iPod, an iTouch and various other electronic whateverthehells. I don't plan to mail them back to China any time soon. Those who enjoy these sophisticated little toys will either have to do without or become comfortable with the fact that they are horrible people.

I thought it was rather courageous of the boss of the company to hold a media conference in front of a completely empty company swimming pool while a steady rain of employees whistled to their deaths in the background. One way Foxconn could improve their public image is by introducing a new company motto: "Foxconn, we have nothing to do with Israel".

Which leads us on to Israel. Israel, I have just one question. What the fuck? I mean what did you, who thought that, I mean oh Jesus Christ, God Almighty and by the beard of the Prophet are you channeling George W Bush or what? Seriously Israel, you have got to get over this addiction to cool special forces operations. Its become a sickness. I call it Entebbe Syndrome. It works sometimes but when it doesn't it really screws up.

I must admit I have very little sympathy for the people who died. If you attack an Israeli commando with an iron bar I would say that being killed is probably the best outcome you could hope for but lets look at the big picture here. The activists on this flotilla set a trap for Israel. The Israelis didn't walk into it, oh no. They took a helicopter. They actually sought out the trap and then rappelled into it. Now everybody who hates Israel is howling like a banshee and even those of us who like them are wondering seriously about their judgement. This was never going to be an easy one to win but there were ways of mitigating the fall out.

Israel; listen very carefully, this is what you should have done. Leave the commandos at home. Wait until the ships hit your territorial waters and then surround them in broad daylight with your navy. Contact the flotilla and tell them simply that you're coming aboard, that the troops you're sending will be armed and that they have orders to respond to any violence with deadly force. At the same time guarantee that any non military aid on board will be permitted through to Gaza via Israeli distribution points. After that you board the vessels and take them over. All the time you're doing this you have film crews recording the action and uploading it live to the internet so that the world can see in real time what you're doing and what the activists are doing to you in response. There may still be violence, there may still be deaths and of course those who wish to blame Israel for absolutely anything will still blame you for what happens but your friends will be able to defend you with a clear conscience and without having to look embarrassed at the press conferences. It may sometimes seem like you're alone in the world but you're not unless you persuade those who like you that you're just too unstable to be trusted.

Since you didn't follow this advice at least try to put a positive spin on things. You could, for instance, point out that the operation still has a lower death toll than working at Foxconn.

Incidentally, Foxconn has announced that there will be generous pay rises for their employees. Their share price dropped two percent on the news. Purchasers of iStuff get ready for higher prices.